The Way I Feel
by Sniper Wolf and Her Sniper
Summary: In Dilandau's POV. Coping with the loss of the only ones who could be his friends, he meets Kanna. Can she help Dilandau? R&R PLEASE! *CHAPTER TWO UP*
1. Kanna

The Way I Feel  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne which means I do not own anything from it. Dur. I do own Kanna, since she is my character.  
  
I got this idea about three nights ago, before I was going to sleep. It kind of just came into my mind.  
  
SPOILERS! The first line of the story is a SPOILER, so if you havn't seen up to #15 or 16, turn away now.  
  
By the way, good songs to listen to this while reading is "Cradle Song," "Arcadia," and "Gloria" from Escaflowne.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Dragonslayers are dead.  
  
All of them. They are all gone. They died for me. And now they are all gone. I looked over the rail of the Vione, to see the endless blue clouds, with a storm in the distance. The storm hung over the place they all died. We didn't even have time to recover their bodies. Miguel's death hit me hard, but I thought as least I had everyone else.  
  
I was wrong.  
  
They are all gone too. But they can't be. They can't be dead. I won't let them be dead. They won't be dead. They are alive. I know they will be. I hear the door opening. When I turn around, Gatti will be there. He'll read a message to me, and I'll slap. He'll shoot me a dirty look and leave. But as I turn around, I know it won't be Gatti. No, it's Folken. His eyes showed no feeling, his cloak wrapped tightly around him.  
  
"A storm is coming." He says to me.  
  
I shrug, "I do not care." I reply.  
  
"You'll get sick." Folken points out.  
  
I turn back around, "I do not care if I die."  
  
"Dilandau, about-"  
  
"Don't speak of them. They aren't dead." I reply.  
  
Maybe if I say it long enough and loud enough, it will be true.  
  
"Dilandau, don't deny it."  
  
"Don't tell me what to do!" I shrieked.  
  
Folken didn't back away nor did his gaze falter.  
  
"A storm is coming." He repeats and leaves.  
  
I look back over the fields. The storm has arrived rather quickly. I wonder if I stay here, while it rains, will their blood drop from the clouds? Will it fall around me?  
  
Splat.  
  
One drop fell. It fell on the top of my gloved hand and slid down it, falling down below.  
  
"It's crying." I whisper.  
  
The sky is crying. It cries for the lives it has taken, the death it weeps for. I feel my world start to crumble. Everyone is dead. The only people that I could claim to be somewhat even close to friends, are dead. It is pouring now. I walk inside the room, and lock the door, sealing off the light. It is dark in my room now. I want it dark. Maybe the dark can swallow me up. So I never have to feel pain again.  
  
"I won't cry." I whisper, sinking in my chair.  
  
I won't cry. I won't allow myself too. Crying for the weak. The weak cry. I will not.  
  
  
  
I'm on the balcony again. I couldn't sleep. It's dawn once again. My heart is weeping, but no tears come. I won't allow them too. Folken slids open the door again.  
  
"Can't you leave me alone?" I mutter.  
  
"Dilandau, don't hold your emotions in." Folken tells me.  
  
"I'm not." I lie.  
  
"You are." Folken says softly.  
  
"I'm fine!" I wail.  
  
Folken blinks for a second and then speaks, "There is an official here. She needs to talk to you about the deaths. They recovered bodies. She needs you to confirm it is them."  
  
"No." I choke out.  
  
Folken sighs, "You must."  
  
"I won't do anything I don't have to!" I scream.  
  
"Do it for them!" Folken yells.  
  
I freeze. Folken had yelled, which was any more emotion than I had ever heard before. I look at him, his eyes heavy. He's right. For them. I'll do it for them.  
  
"Ok." I whisper.  
  
  
  
Folken leds me down a long dark hallway, to a place I never even knew existed on the Vione. Folken pushs open a large gray door and it creaks, opening. I walk in. It smells of death. The smell hangs in the air and instead of exciting me, it makes me sick, because this time, the death smell is of my own friends. Folken leads me through a tight hallway, finally bringing me to a large room. There are five body bags in the center.  
  
"We're here." Folken whispers.  
  
A women comes out from behind a wall, with a clipboard in her hands. She has long flowing, brown hair, which came down to her hips. There was a bun on the top of her head. Her skin was pale, her blue eyes standing out among the rest of her.  
  
"Dilandau, this is Kanna." Folken says and he leaves me alone with this strange women.  
  
I look at her and she held out her hand.  
  
"It's nice to meet you." She whispers.  
  
I shake her hand. It is warm, inviting. Kanna looks at my eyes and smiles sadly.  
  
"I'm sorry about your loss." She mutters.  
  
People had been saying this to me since the deaths a few days ago. It was cold, cruel. They were just trying to get promoted. But how she spoke it was different. She sounded like she cared.  
  
"You don't care." I bark.  
  
Anger. I was resorting to anger now. I wanted to crush her feelings. Kanna shook her head.  
  
"I do."  
  
"Why?" I order.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?"  
  
Kanna took a deep breath, "I was friends with Dallet."  
  
I froze. Time seemed to stop. When I had found the soldiers to become Dragonslayers, they were all child hood friends. They had no parents, no homes. They were wild and carefree. They had never played with a girl before.  
  
"Don't speak crap." I mutter.  
  
"It's true. I was friends with Dallet, before he - I mean, his parents died."  
  
Her eyes were open. She was speaking the truth.  
  
"Just show me the bodies." I sneer.  
  
I wanted to get out of here before I started to cry. Kanna just nodded and lead me to the first bag. She rolled it down, and there was the pale face of Gatti. I shook and muttered it was him. I did the same for everyone else. When we got to Dallet and I looked up at Kanna's face, I saw a tear drip down her pale cheek and onto Dallet's forehead. She quickly wiped it off.  
  
"I'm sorry." She replied.  
  
She was lucky. Kanna showed her feelings. She didn't care about who saw her. She didn't care if she looked stupid. There was history between Dallet and Kanna. One I couldn't start to understand.  
  
"It's him." I whispered, even though we both knew that.  
  
She just nodded. I looked up at her face.  
  
"Are you coming to the wake?" I ask her.  
  
"No." Kanna whispered, her voice hoarse.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I wasn't aware there was one." She replied.  
  
"There is now." I whispered.  
  
Kanna looked down at the floor, another tear dripping down. She wiped her eyes.  
  
"Ok. I'll come to the wake." Kanna muttered.  
  
I nodded and turned. If I saw her face one more time I would cry. I couldn't stand to look at her anymore, with pain etched upon her face.  
  
So I left.  
  
  
  
I like writing this story, it's unlike anything I've ever written. Please review, so I can write more!  
  
  
  
-Sniperwolf 


	2. The Wake

The Way I Feel  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or anything from it. This idea is mine, however.  
  
  
  
Today was the wake. The wake for the Dragonslayers. I stared in the mirror, looking at my own face. My skin was still pale, except for the dark scar that went down my cheek. The scar from him. Van. Van . . .the reason the Dragonslayers are dead. I pulled myself away from the mirror, making sure I was not crying and my eyes fell upon a rose. It was blood colored, like the Dragonslayers eyes. There was a sharp knock on the door.  
  
"Who is there?" I asked and Folken walked in.  
  
"Are you ready?" He asked me.  
  
I just nodded.  
  
Folken walked back out into the hallway, and I followed him down there, breathing hard, because I remembered I might see that girl again. Her name was Kanna. She claimed to know Dallet. . .  
  
  
  
I walked into the place in the Vione where the wake was being held. Everyone was standing straight, like statues, with no emotions on there faces. It made me mad, mostly at myself, because I was as bad as them. I didn't show any emotion either.  
  
"If you'll excuse me." Folken said and went over to speak to some general.  
  
I slunk over to the over side of the room, leaning back against the wall. This was a bad idea. People talked stiffly, not really knowing how to act. I was just like them. I wanted to fade away. I closed my eyes for a second, when a felt a tapping on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Kanna, her grief filled eyes trying not to cry.  
  
"Sir Dilandau. . ." She replied, nodding her head.  
  
I looked away, "What?" I asked.  
  
Kanna sighed, "It's a lovely wake."  
  
"No it isn't," I spat, "The people here were forced to come here, not because they wanted too."  
  
Kanna fell silent and when I looked over she was staring at the floor.  
  
"So I lied." She muttered.  
  
I stood up straighter and looked at her oddly, "What makes it bad?"  
  
"The fact that they were forced to come here. . .the fact that half of them didn't even know them. No one really cares and they don't even show any emotions. This wake doesn't even seem human." She whispered.  
  
She was right. This wake wasn't human. No one was showing sorrow, for being afraid it would seem weak. Kanna looked at me.  
  
"You don't show any emotions either."  
  
I looked away, and did not speak, leaving her behind as I walked to Folken.  
  
"I'm leaving." I hissed into his ear.  
  
"What?" Folken hissed back.  
  
"Leave me alone."  
  
I marched on, back to my quarters.  
  
"Sir Dilandau!" I heard Kanna call me as I walked down a lone hallway.  
  
I stopped, "What?"  
  
"Why did you leave?"  
  
"It was un human, that wake." I snapped to her.  
  
Kanna walked next to me, "Why don't you show your emotions?! Why don't you cry for them?!"  
  
"Because crying is for the weak!" I screamed at her and Kanna fell silent.  
  
"No it isn't." She whispered.  
  
"It is. I won't cry." I muttered.  
  
Kanna was silent for a while and then spoke.  
  
"You are one odd human."  
  
When I looked up she was smiling at me.  
  
"What?" I grumbled.  
  
Kanna took my hand and looked at me, "Dilandau," She muttered, "Can we meet tonight, under the south balcony?"  
  
I stuttered and finally agreed.  
  
Kanna nodded, "I want to see you there."  
  
Then she smiled and left me alone.  
  
  
  
I returned to my room and laid on my bed, listening to the soft rain patter against the roof.  
  
Kanna. . .  
  
I shut my eyes and lay against my pillow, breathing softly.  
  
There was no way to describe how I was feeling.  
  
None at all.  
  
  
  
TBC  
  
Yes, this chapter was quite short and might have felt rushed. Anyway, leave a review, thanks! 


End file.
